It’s been a few month since I lost my mum to cancer now, and although I am getting better at coping with my grieving, I still miss her loads, and my grief comes and goes in waves. Its like I’m fine one minute, and then something washes over me and I feel like I’m hurting so much I’m almost drowning in my own emotions. So I wanted to write a short article on what it feels like to grieve, just in case it helps anyone else understand how people feel and act when they’re grieving, or to help you if you are grieving and you feel like you’re alone in the way that you feel.

What its like to lose someone

·It’s very depressing and emotional and you keep crying

·You fall behind on everything and can sometimes lose friends when they can’t relate to how you’re feeling.

·You lose your self-esteem, confidence and courage to do things – I don’t know why, but that’s what happened to me.

·You feel broken inside, like nothing can fill the gap inside you.

·You can lose trust in the world and the people around you, and don’t know how to talk about it

·I got a lot of flash-backs of key images – like the ambulance outside the house and of my mum in the hospital bed. Random things remind you of painful memories and you can’t make it stop.

·I just wanted to lock myself away from the world and shut everything out.

How it affects your feelings and actions

I think that grief can affect people in different ways, but for me, this is what it was like:

·I couldn’t sleep – even when I was super tired.

·I had an upset stomach lots – I don’t know why.

·My chest felt tight a lot of the time

·I had tense muscles and had trouble relaxing

·I had constant low energy but at the same time I was always restless

·I had trouble concentrating because it was like my feeling of sadness got in the way.

·I was also angry…really angry, and when I had strong feelings of sadness I would often act out in anger because that’s the only reaction I knew how to process or act out. It felt easier and safer to lash out or shout at someone than cry and feel vulnerable.

What can happen if you don’t deal with your feelings

I didn’t deal with my grief very well when my dad died a number of years ago, so although I am still struggling now, I really want to manage my grief better this time. If I don’t I’m afraid that my health will suffer, I might lose lots of weight again, and my thoughts about suicide (wanting to be with my mum) might get stronger, so I’m making sure that I talk to the people around me and access the specialist services that can help me though it.

My advice for you, if you are grieving, would be to:

·Give yourself time to accept what has happened

·Talk to friends and family – they really do want to help.

·If you are at school or college tell your teachers, because they can do things to help you cope with your workload.

·Have a look at the NHS website and KOOTH – they hav information about how to handle bereavement and mental health.

·Join groups like The Platform Project and STEP – they can help you have another focus and learn about strategies to help you manage your emotions.

·Go to counselling if you get the chance – its not as scary or painful as you initially think and it really does help.

·Always remember the people who you have lost are always there and never forgotten

·Accept you cannot change anything and remember the good times you had with them.

·Take care of yourself at this stressful time…